Sunday, August 29, 2010

Spoken Word.

God Is Holy from ROCKHARBOR on Vimeo.

A perspective I never want to forget.

God is holy. He is set up and set apart. Set up and up and up and up. High up on the pedestal. High above the push and pull of this world. And higher still.

He is set apart from the very start. Because while some may deride Him, and some have denied Him, Not one can stand beside Him.

He is the one that is unlike anyone. He's not like you and me. And we cannot conceive the mystery of this that we believe because our God is holy. He is the one and He is the only.

and Heaven, highest Heaven; cannot contain Him. Cannot attain Him. Cannot explain Him. Cannot find the words, the nouns, the verbs to capture the rapture of one who resides and abides in the presence, in the very essence of our God.

And so angels sing and Heaven rings with constant strings of holy. And it cried in one accord inside for one adored for holy, holy, holy is the Lord

No other word will fit, no other word can get at it; all other words are in it. Because the only word that can quite hit at who He is; is Holy.

And when face to face we come to the place to see our God as holy. We will realize and recognize the brokenness in our lives. For in that light ,the light that is His, we will see sin for what it is. And like Isaiah, we will be undone and overcome and then our journey has begun. To turn our "woe is he" to "woe is me."

Because our God is holy.

- Nick Benoit

He Finally Gave me a Call.

I'm not sure how pristine this post is going to be; as I'm very tired, but I need to log a few things so that I may come back to them as mementos. I need to remember what I have been experiencing tonight.

Since last spring, I have been facing a situation that has my emotions endlessly wavering. One day, I feel His peace and His steadfastness, while the next I feel wrecked and the need to search out my own harmony for the situation. It's a harmony that doesn't exist apart from God.

I'm assured that God does not abandon His kids or any of the tragedies they get themselves into. He will not leave me defenseless; rather He will protect my name and sustain my cause. I have brought disgrace to my name, but He will recover it before all those who have foolishly scrutinized me.

His remedy is bigger than what I hope for and has so much more value than I could have ever thought. God does not waste any situation I hand over to Him.

Of all this, I am sure.

Monday, August 23, 2010


Last nights service deeply impressed me. It instigated me to critically look at how situations in my life have wounded my heart, my mind, and my character.

I took some time to genuinely evaluate "Caydin". In all seriousness. Pride aside. Entitlement diminished. Surface gone.

Like many people who would follow Jesus to the top of Calvary to be crucified, I lack confidence in nearly everything I pursue when it comes to building His kingdom. It's twisted, I know. I'm not talking about a surface confidence that a woman can have from being seen as beautiful or having an amazing personality. I'm talking about a confidence that only comes from being in direct relation with Him.

Knowing that I do indeed cherish; whole heartedly the relationship my Father has given to me I wonder why I still feel cowardly and doubtful when going through the doors He opens for me. It's quite embarrassing, actually. Last night, I found myself asking what I was missing and why the unsurpassed confidence I should have in Him just wasn't clicking, mentally and emotionally.

I brought situations before the Lord begging Him to show me why I just couldn't act accordingly to the truth He had sparked in me. I often feel inadequate and undermanned while I " ...go and make disciples of all nations..." ( Matthew 28:19 )

I was reminded of the countless times I had lost sleep over hurtful words, being spat on, being lied to, being backstabbed, laughed at, being denied, not making the cut, and thinking that I was not worth anyones investment. Those times sucked all the assurance, certainty and stability out from my life.

God also brought to my mind the church I go to. All in all, God is evident and abundant at RockHarbor and I am so grateful to be a part of such a beautiful body of Christ. I look at my church though, which is in the middle of Orange County; ( which actually means that it's in the middle of a selfish, perfectionistic, independent, monetary valued, prideful, ego-tistical and greedy community of people...but that's another story for another time ) and I've seen first hand that we have by far the most talented, accomplished and capable people working for the church. God is good. Surely. YET, I find myself wondering if I'm even qualified to even attempt to get involved in certain ministries because I see this manifest of raw God given abilities that are so seemingly beyond my own. In that moment, I lose all confidence in building His kingdom.

So the remedy :: After God went through all these things along side me I was left thinking about all those things I already know in the core of my heart. My mind was in chaos wondering how I could put these amazing truths into action. And for once, I didn't come up with anything.

Here is what fell upon the ears of my Father though;

Lord, teach me how to obtain confidence in all I do. Not a surface confidence found in my appearance or personality but that unwavering confidence knowing that You are the Giver of life... the author of my life, and nothing I do is ever wasted. Show me, once again, who "Caydin" is because I'm second guessing myself at times. I find myself being cowardly and placing an inadequate sign over my head. I'm the only one who puts it there. I need clarity in who you have created in me. I want to see why I respond and act the way I do.

Straight up, I need healing in my life. Healing that only He can bring.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

His Power. My Weakness.

Nothing feels greater than when you know God heard your prayer. Knowing that you brought something before the Lord, He listened, and responded… just blows my mind. Let my mind be blown because it is indeed true!

I’ve accepted the fact that God cares more about my character than any and all situations I find myself in. I used to often beg God to change my circumstances so that I could seemingly breathe at times. God loves me more than that. Rather, He allows me to be stretched to seemingly never-ending thinness and He watches me to see how in turn I will act.

During those unbearable times, the truth that is woven into your core runs deep and gives you strength to be steadfast. Now, I have learned to boldly pray that I be given that strength and steadfastness to endure through the pain instead of asking for Him to take it all away. I’m catching on!

There is more to the situations we feel weak in though... not only are we called to be steadfast and lift our eyes up... but there is a hope and confidence to be had... that I wish came more naturally to the church.

Pastor Steve Carter concluded an awesome sermon by reading a verse written by Paul found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. I thought this complimented the many things God was/is in the middle of teaching me.

“ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christs sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

God has chosen to make His power known by way of our weaknesses.

When you are emotionally weak, that is when God’s power can be put on it’s best display.

When you feel inadequate in something you are pursuing … it opens the door to God’s great and sufficient power.

When you get this, it is easier to find confidence in those things you feel weak in. I go through times in which I just don’t feel adequate enough to pray aloud with people… I’m so focused on bringing remedy thru my words that I forget that it has nothing to do with me, or anything I could ever possibly say. Remembering what I have now learned, I can have an unsurpassed confidence when I pray with people… even if I stumble through my words and have sweaty palms… His power will be evident in my weakness.

His power will be shown and all the greater in our weaknesses.