Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Music is a Mechanism for Merriment

I was looking through some old photo albums on my computer tonight. I came across an album that I had entirely forgotten it's existence.

This last summer I was tickled to have had come across such a vast array of people in Huntington Beach whom all had such a merry time simply banging on drums together. Some soul sista's took out their tambourines and voices. Some got their beats involved by using their shoes as mallets on empty plastic bins. Children were dancing and weaving in and out of the drummer lines. Twas a flawless day, glorious beach front, and a fantastic group of individuals.

I was lucky enough to have my camera on me.

Monday, March 30, 2009

The Lesson as of Late...

I always think I know a thing or two... and then God smacks me around and reminds me that I am nowhere near where I need to be, to be the woman He has created me to be. He shows me what needs to change and how to do it ... yet it all looks like nonsense. I continually look at the chalkboard full of deranged events ... I am so happy that with time and an unceasing fervor for truth the scribbles become clear and coherent with the life I have been given.

Every time He whips me into shape and throws up the slate of accountability, growth and construction I know that I'm in for a wild ride...but I also know that I will be that much closer to a real understanding and attainability to the lifestyle God has called me into just as soon as it's over. THAT gives me happiness. And that is why I am okay with God smacking me around a bit. I told God what I wanted and He's showing me what it's going to take.

God is in the middle of my business in every aspect of my life. Recently, He has been in the middle of training me relationship wise. He is showing me how imperative it truly is for Him to orchestrate the relationship I have with a man. A man; meaning my future hub. I never have been the type of girl to go chasing after the multitude of witless swine and I never have worried about anything pertaining to my future as a wife until lately. I don't know what happened.

To clarify, I am not worried about my future in any way but I have caught myself dabbling in things that really aren't me. I love that God has revealed so much truth about who He has made me as an individual while I have made those decisions to tinker around and get caught up with finding " him ". Before I move forward, I would like to exclaim that I, indeed, do not need a single soul in my life to validate who I am and how I feel about myself. Praise God for the glory He has already revealed in me !

At this very moment, this is what I know to be true about me in relevance to being a wifey.

I am a leader but cannot be with someone whom I mentor spiritually. ( equally yoked )

I have met dozens of great guys who have it all but they lack in just this. In my opinion, the wisdom you obtain from only the Lord and living life striving for Him screams to me and says how much of a man you are. You will not grab my attention "that way" if I seem to be the only one handing out discernment and solidity. There is a difference between the trite teaching everyone knows and talks about from Sunday school ( nevertheless important ) and the actual depth of understanding, awareness and substance that you can only obtain by fully immersing yourself in the Lord.

God has " blessed " me with a mind that is unbalanced at times. I'll admit it, I lack balance in some circumstances. When it comes to serving God I have an extreme outlook that is embedded in my thought process. I have learned to work with it though and I know when to turn it on and when to put a muzzle on it to simmer it down. It will never turn off though. I need someone who has the same " blessing ". Not when it comes to everyday familiar activities, but when it comes to their lifestyle in giving glory to God. Heaven forbid I be stuck with someone who has the same outlandish and extreme actions in routine activity. Heaven forbid.

Those are the two things that God has shown me that must be evident. I am amazed at the discernment God has given me in regards to reading people that come my way.

I have put on quite the show these last few months with all the lessons God has been teaching me. He has not only shown me what is essential in a future marriage for me, but He has had a lot of fun allowing me to learn about myself in the midst of this process. I know what I prefer, I know what won't work and I know what will, specifically for me. Praise God for the uniqueness He expresses in His creation.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

You Found Me.

I'm the type of person to listen to a song repeatedly for weeks on end. When that lucky song takes up all my listening time, most people don't actually understand why I would devote so much time to that single song. Apparently, they don't connect with the same things emotionally that I do...which is perfect.

When that song's components stimulate my soul and my mind; all I want is more.

I wonder why some people in my life really don't feel music. They can feel the beat, they can love the guitar and piano solos, and even think the climax of the song is brilliant... but I don't understand why those same people look at me funny when I say that a certain song brings tears to my eyes. They have not a clue what it feels like to be emotionally in tune with a songs ingredients. All I can say is that God created them perfect and I am grateful that I can listen to a joyous song and yet have tears in my eyes because the lyrics hit home.

A few months ago I went out to coffee with a dear friend, whom I see as a big brother full of wisdom and truth. Kevin relates a lot to me in that he truly is passionate, emotionally responsive and very in tune with the heart God has given him. Because of this, Kevin is quite the perfect person to talk with when I need someone who can doubtlessly feel where I am coming from. He mentioned the new single by The Fray called, " You Found Me ".

When connecting with music I have found that I have a fervor for minor chords, voices that wail the lyrics ( bc they believe every word they are singing ) and expectedly, music that ultimately points to God. " You Found Me ", by The Fray, hits all of those elements in my mind.

All of the pieces put together to create that song are absolutely amazing. Just looking at the words in the chorus put a smile on my face because of what it all points to.

Lost and insecure
You found me, You found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

I am affected when I hear the lyrics, " Why'd You have to wait ?"... So often I ask God this... already knowing the answer. " Jesus, why haven't you brought me there in life yet?", " Jesus, why haven't you healed the past wounds in my life yet?" ... Bottom line, I need to crash entirely before I can truly run with what God wants to give me. God is not about to give me my desires while I still am incapable of maneuvering them to His fullest. That is why God waits.

A close friend of mine, Eric Scofield, once told me that when God waits and is seemingly not answering you... He is simply purging you from your idols. I now find myself pondering on that during the times at which I feel like I am being ignored. Now, the time between when we pray to God for something and the time we actually receive it is another discussion entirely. Waiting on God, and waiting on ourselves to be fully prepared for the glory he wants to reveal in our lives is everything but easy...

Praise God for waiting and not being hasty with us. What a disaster my life would be if God continually gave me what I thought I was ready for. I would forever be in a trivial and shallow state of mind.

Thursday, March 19, 2009


I find myself cringing when He brings the situation back my way.

Am I going to fail miserably for the 8th consecutive time? Or maybe it will all end in a field of honeysuckles with a warm breeze against my back...? It may even possibly change the entire perspective I have on my own life. So, which DRAMATIC spectacle am I going to end up having lead role in this time around ?

The outcome that I visualize comes to me after intense reflections...yet, I am constantly shifting my opinions and requests from one spectrum to the other. I am such a woman.

Beyond all this jibber jabber is a valid point that is struggling to be evident in my life.When I am standing before a situation that I was previously demoted from; I cringe.I cringe because I am petrified of the God Given circumstance laid before me.

This God Given circumstance has a bone to pick with me.

I'm wanting and willing to experience the real wisdom I can get from the calamity of a situation... but I'm wondering how emotionally draining it will be. So, I find myself over analyzing. I am picking my brain in hopes of finding a settlement between my mind and my heart. I dramatically go all in. You say,"let's put our feet in", and I say, " Hey let's actually go drown ourselves."

I am God's comic relief in the middle of a very serious and sedated moment.

I am slowly, but unquestionably, learning that God can keep things simple at times... and when I bring in theatrical drama to my life situations, I twist things up all on my own...and leave myself wondering what the heck is going on.