Just to keep it real:: It's not like I didn't know what I was doing and I was unaware at how ridiculously silly they were. So, why did I still give in?
It gets my mind off of all the turmoil going on inside of me so I seemingly breathe a little easier. It gives me a brief time of disregard and ignorance to the things Caydin needs to let God fix.
This roller coaster I have been riding on has surely made me grow tired, weak and ... just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I understand that all of this is in some sort of way, mandatory. It is indeed bringing me to that place in which my character and life will be profoundly changed.
As I expand my knowledge and love for Jesus, I can't help but have a restless heart and a heart that is conflicted with the discrepancies between my lifestyle/mindset and the lifestyle/mindset Jesus desires for me. It's discouraging and light dimming, to be honest.
While I am convicted, and at times don't have the steadfastness to allow God to fix me, I find silly, little, insignificant reliefs. oh and yes, they are temporary.
Here is what I know though :: I've tasted and I have seen God pursue me. A love greater than life itself. He is worth it.