" May my preferences never dictate how I prepare room for God's kingdom to enter my life. "
I wrote this a few months ago in my journal.
I asked for it. I'm in a place where it's easy for my preferences to disengage my heart with what the Holy Spirit is desiring for me. Freedom. Healing. A heart of trust.
I prefer to have intimacy with God at a coffee shop, with a chai latte in hand. I prefer to stay close to those things that bring me comfort, which are things I have control over.
I'm not fond of the idea of more pain, more suffering, more brokenness.
I love controlled experiences, with certain results. I don't like obscurity when it comes to the vitality of my heart. I act as if I'm entitled to happiness. My behavior screams out my distrust.
It's soooooo weird to me. While I truly desire to step into this identity given to me - identity of freedom, joy, peace, love etc - I have ZERO control of this process in being conformed to Christ.
And amazingly enough, Christianity is not a behavior program, but rather an entire exchange of heart.
Underlying it all, I have a steadfast understanding of what is going on.
I am grateful.