I always think I know a thing or two... and then God smacks me around and reminds me that I am nowhere near where I need to be, to be the woman He has created me to be. He shows me what needs to change and how to do it ... yet it all looks like nonsense. I continually look at the chalkboard full of deranged events ... I am so happy that with time and an unceasing fervor for truth the scribbles become clear and coherent with the life I have been given.
Every time He whips me into shape and throws up the slate of accountability, growth and construction I know that I'm in for a wild ride...but I also know that I will be that much closer to a real understanding and attainability to the lifestyle God has called me into just as soon as it's over. THAT gives me happiness. And that is why I am okay with God smacking me around a bit. I told God what I wanted and He's showing me what it's going to take.
God is in the middle of my business in every aspect of my life. Recently, He has been in the middle of training me relationship wise. He is showing me how imperative it truly is for Him to orchestrate the relationship I have with a man. A man; meaning my future hub. I never have been the type of girl to go chasing after the multitude of witless swine and I never have worried about anything pertaining to my future as a wife until lately. I don't know what happened.
To clarify, I am not worried about my future in any way but I have caught myself dabbling in things that really aren't me. I love that God has revealed so much truth about who He has made me as an individual while I have made those decisions to tinker around and get caught up with finding " him ". Before I move forward, I would like to exclaim that I, indeed, do not need a single soul in my life to validate who I am and how I feel about myself. Praise God for the glory He has already revealed in me !
At this very moment, this is what I know to be true about me in relevance to being a wifey.
I am a leader but cannot be with someone whom I mentor spiritually. ( equally yoked )
I have met dozens of great guys who have it all but they lack in just this. In my opinion, the wisdom you obtain from only the Lord and living life striving for Him screams to me and says how much of a man you are. You will not grab my attention "that way" if I seem to be the only one handing out discernment and solidity. There is a difference between the trite teaching everyone knows and talks about from Sunday school ( nevertheless important ) and the actual depth of understanding, awareness and substance that you can only obtain by fully immersing yourself in the Lord.
God has " blessed " me with a mind that is unbalanced at times. I'll admit it, I lack balance in some circumstances. When it comes to serving God I have an extreme outlook that is embedded in my thought process. I have learned to work with it though and I know when to turn it on and when to put a muzzle on it to simmer it down. It will never turn off though. I need someone who has the same " blessing ". Not when it comes to everyday familiar activities, but when it comes to their lifestyle in giving glory to God. Heaven forbid I be stuck with someone who has the same outlandish and extreme actions in routine activity. Heaven forbid.
Those are the two things that God has shown me that must be evident. I am amazed at the discernment God has given me in regards to reading people that come my way.
I have put on quite the show these last few months with all the lessons God has been teaching me. He has not only shown me what is essential in a future marriage for me, but He has had a lot of fun allowing me to learn about myself in the midst of this process. I know what I prefer, I know what won't work and I know what will, specifically for me. Praise God for the uniqueness He expresses in His creation.
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