I'm in this process of being exposed. A process that has extended itself for over a year. Being exposed for what I truly am. I've been stripped of the utter lie that says I am capable of saving myself. I have found that it is the only way radical, holistic spiritual transformation is ushered in. I see my life as a prize, that God would allow such discomfort and displeasure enter my life. That my heart would remain uninhabited for so long. My mind a wasteland. And my life, seemingly in the boondocks, middle of nowhere. All of which leading to a deep purge of self and a greater conformity to Him.
I've hit the freakin' jackpot.
This season is the jackpot. It's strange to truly feel that way while nothing seems reasonable in my life for the last year. I am a shell of who God initially created. I am wholly lost, emptied and barren. In turn, God has brought revelation and awareness to my mind about His identity. The King of all kings, who completely, totally, unconditionally, and absolutely gave of Himself for the sake of others. Phil 2:6-11. This is how the Holy Spirit is guiding me towards wholeness.
Purging. Revelation. Conformity. Purging. Revelation. Conformity. Purging. Revelation. Conformity. Perpetually.
The purging is a process. Just because you are willing doesn't mean you have the eyes to see the reality of your heart at first. There is so much ish to weed through before you are capable of having a perspective that can wisely respond to the damage. God is the initiator, and He will initiate, follow through and redeem. Just continue in surrender.
This season of revamping my core, is seemingly endless. It's leaving me unearthed at the roots. I've let go of all sense of direction, dreams, and control. I'm not anticipating much. I'm not planning my next mission trip. I'm not being socially outrageous, as I was previous. All familiarity is being eradicated. It's odd. It's strange. But it's necessary. God has placed so much value on the integrity of our character. I'm seeing how deliberate God is in making it pliable in His hands, and prioritizing it over our endeavors to give Him glory. Even though being conformed to His image surely brings Him glory.
I hear God saying, " So, you want to do it my way? Slow down, and let me weave into you my truth, so that you will never be shaken. Allow me to carefully unveil your eyes, and painstakingly uncover your ears, fully burn away the artificial, - then you may be wholly capable of responding to a truer perspective of the world as I see it "
In no way am I discrediting the power of God revealed through and in peoples lives who don't take the time to just sit with God for a season. I also understand that as you take action in His kingdom, no matter your hearts content, He shows up. He reveals. He brings knowledge and understanding. So please don't play that card.
I'm seeing how sin has tainted my will, my understandings, my behavior, my affections, my human relationships, my mind, and emotions - leaving nothing untouched by sin. Sin has infiltrated my heart. I am left totally depraved and unable to fix anything. I have wholly fallen, and wholly need His redemption.
:: My prayer is that we may be wise enough to stand before Him, exposed and as we truly are, all the days of our lives. May we never avoid or hide from His convictions nor His justice and may we trust the provision of a loving Creator.