Sunday, June 13, 2010

My Only Remedy.

Minnesota. Whenever I am here I am broken down and reduced to literally nothing … Here is what always happens though … ALWAYS…

1Peter 5:10 “ And the God of all grace, who called you into eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. “

A restored, strengthened, and grounded woman I stand.

Oh man, so a few months ago I had no choice but to move back to Minnesota for the summer due to financial reasons. Prior to me moving here, my heavenly Father had a nearly despondent conversation with me. It’s like He knew that the moment I became the most vulnerable, is when I would have to deal with the consequences of all the decisions I was making up to that point and also when the solidity in my relationship with the Lord would be tested and put in check.

Moving to Minnesota was disgusting. While driving to the Midwest, I stopped and visited my boyfriend at the time. I’ve never been sitting face to face with someone and in that very moment realized that I am so uncomfortable that I literally could not say a word. My form of communication was only nervous facial expressions and tears. What a moment to cringe upon. What a relationship divinely orchestrated by my Father turned into a sinful circus. What a relationship our Father cringed upon. The remaining drive “home” consisted of a lot of David Crowder jamming and on my knees crying ( literally and figuratively ) out to Jesus.

Within the first few weeks of me being in this barren land, I am dumped. Relationships send you to cloud 9 at times and then at other times they send you plummeting to your seemingly doom. Being crushed, I do what I know helps long term, cling to my Father. This time was odd though because the deeper I dove in relationship with Him, the worse I felt. It’s like He was purging me of the idolatry I exhibited on the relationship I was in. I put more value in that earthly relationship than the only relationship that saves my soul. That was exposed and made clear in my response to being dumped. I could write a book called, “ All the things a woman should not do after being dumped. “

Recently, God has been pouring out His wisdom on me through His Word and through my dear friends. Sin isn’t stagnant. It spreads, stains, and soaks into every little crevasse when you casually dip your feet into it. So, don’t be fooled with your casual plunge. What was put together for God’s purpose was broken and corrupted by sin. Here is what I am reminded of :: Caydin, my dear child, stop trying to fix things. Let it go so that I may be given room to work. Stop trying to orchestrate things, Caydin. Don’t you want glory to be given to me when things are made glorious? Stop running to all those things that give you a temporary illusion of being fixed.
You know all too well, that I, your heavenly Father, am your only remedy.

I learn the most when I am reduced to seemingly nothing. When I am hopeless and have grasped onto everything besides the unchanging hand of my Father; when I feel furthest away from God is when the Holy Spirit stops me in my tracks and reminds me that I am called to greater things than these.

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