Justice.

I've been contemplating how God ushers in His justice.

I've been contemplating what justice even is.

I see a few different perspectives of justice. One perspective is the relational justice between God and His people. The other perspective is justice between people and their circumstances. They are contingent on each other.

:: In it's entirety, I've concluded that ultimate justice will have found us in the fulfillment of God's purpose, for our wholeness to be found in Him.

Circumstantial Justice ::

God offers a journey of profound wisdom for those who have been wronged, misunderstood, and discredited while under His authority. I am sure of this. There is a journey in those experiences that many run from. This is what I am in the midst of right now. A journey of wisdom and freedom. There is a mass amount of injustice in my life that still weighs heavy on my heart at times.

God surely continues to step within my perception.

Great wounds in my life have been brought by people whom have no conviction nor desire for penance. While that's an issue in and of itself in their relationship with God, I grieve as I endure the reality of broken relationships between brothers and sisters in Christ. I grieve, as I know, surely it grieves God's heart to see His kids author injustice between each other.

I reflect on God's perspective. He looks at the afflicted, abused, disregarded, and misunderstood and proclaims a transformation of character and an invitation to be healed by the wounds of this world. I know this to be true and deeply woven in my heart yet my mind plays the devils advocate at times. I ask why those whom have wronged me are thriving in their lives. It's as if it's a perpetual stabbing in the back.

Though my enemies remain flourishing, You, O Lord, are my steadfast hope. You, O Lord will make things right. If I didn't actually trust in who You claim to be and the justice you proclaim over your people, my hope would be folly. My pain would be fruitless. My tears would be trivial. My words would simply be hot air.

And the injustice in my life would be futile.

But because I continue on this journey,

:: You counteract every and all plans that are not for the good of who you've created in me. Because of the faith I have in You, You rectify the foolishness this world labels my life as.

Relational Justice ::

In utter submission and obedience, great revelations are to be had. I've seen how justice has indeed been put into motion in my life. Sin brings injustice to our relationship with Christ. It oppresses our perception in seeing His truer perspective and ultimately separates us from Him. That is injustice.

:: But see how God is bringing justice to our sinful nature as we encounter Him and become closer to being in a freeing and reconciled union with Him.

His Expression.

I'm wholly convinced that our Creator is for us.

He is for us encountering Him.

He is for us knowing Him.

He is for us perceiving His revelations.

We have a built in disposition to repel and resist the revelations of God.

But because we are loved by our Father He sends the Holy Spirit, who counteracts our ignorant and defiant ways, giving us ears that hear and eyes that are no longer blinded to His truth.

:: He is for us encountering Him.

As if that doesn't speak enough volume into the loving heart of a Creator for His creation, He continues to pursue us through His Word. God, Himself accommodates the small measure of our brains as He breathed scripture out to fit within the confines of our capacity of language.

:: He is for us knowing Him.

God reveals Himself to us in the scriptures which transcend all generations and address all eras of His creation . He communicates to us in beautiful analogies that paint a glimpse of who God is. We can step into a knowledge of who God is as we look at human experiences and God's experiences of Himself in scripture.

:: He is for us perceiving His revelations.

It's a mystery as to why we are sons and daughters of the King.

Forgotten Name.

This last year of life has been a long drawn out season of this consistent cycle of stepping into awarenesses and allowing God to heal my heart. Through this I have come to actually know my Father on an intimate level. I see how God knew all along the things my heart was craving and aching for. He allowed me to manipulate my wounds and my circumstances to the point where I was left raw and destitute of heart. I was also left with a decision to make at the end of every day and while in the moment it seemed worthless, I had a heart that decided to remain obedient and faithful to the God that I had encountered prior to the turmoil I had created and fed into.

Through the twists and turns of this last year I am grateful for a God who remained patient with me. As I often asked in prayer, He desired to bring revelation to my mind and heart, but even more often, my fallow ground was not prepared for His revelations to ring true in all their worth. He still continued to cultivate my heart until it was healthy enough for seeds to spring life from. Looking back, this specific 'migration' from fallow to life took a lot of work, pain and time.

Remaining steadfast in obedience as the gunk is loosened and separated from my heart has created a new person in me. I have suffered much in believing Satan's lies in regards to my identity and worth. He called me things that led me far from my God given name.

" You are not enough."

" You mess everything up."

" Your personality is repulsive. "

" You always ruin it all. "

This is what my heart actually believed. Through numerous encounters with God, and a loyal heart to Jesus these lies slowly started to not make sense. In God's relentless pursuit of me He distinctly began shining His radiance onto my heart piece by piece and moment by moment. I no longer would just verbalize the truth in hopes of someday actually believing it about myself, rather I claimed my identity under His authority as I began to see the disparity between what Jesus says of me and what I thought myself to be.

Here and now in this place, I know God has purged me of a substantial amount of ish this last year and He has answered my prayers seeking for wisdom and revelation. I'm honored that God felt it of worth to bestow upon my life things beyond what I asked. This entire identity crisis is curious to me because it's not like I was transformed into an entirely different Caydin, rather God began healing the Caydin that was, and revealing value and worth to the Caydin who is.

Not once was I a child of God who wasn't enough. I never once ruined any plans that God had for me and I never was a character that was faulty. It was neither adjusted nor created in this season - It was just forgotten in the midst of my sin and it's aftermath. I've always had a name and identity in Christ.

:: May He continue to be a radiant light that leads us on a journey towards revelation

:: May He call our names until we are found

Hallelujah to the King.

My heart is surely fixed on a God who has responded to my cries in the midst of my hopelessness, discontentment and grief. I have successfully endured, and been obedient through a season of calamity. I am drowning in tears as I am finally seeing the fruits of a heart that has been purged, tilled and turned. This process has entirely changed the rhythm of my heart, the depth of my mind and the vitality of my lifestyle. Hallelujah to the King.

Reparation is the very least He has given me. Beyond, He has given me His eyes to further carry out His glory to the end of my days, as I have a truer perspective in all the things that have yet to come and the things that remain behind me. Hallelujah to the King.

Situational imprints of His hands have guided me into recognizing and believing in who He says I am. Running with that perspective of truth I am wholly capable of being fearless, wonderfully wise, humbly confident and... simply enough in all I do.

When I am given a glimpse of His kingdom here on earth; the sin, the shame, the pain, the injustice, and the lies that have been part of my life do not hold a place of comparison. The forever blooming existence of a Father who will make all things right enables me to truly desire His will be done, in all things.

Hallelujah to the King.

Psalm 84:11

My Lord God is a sun and shield.

:: He painfully reveals, yet He is a trustworthy protector

He bestows honor and favor.

:: Remaining in truth, despite it's pain, leads to freedom. The fact that we can find freedom in Him is favor on our lives

He withholds no good thing from those whose walk is blameless.

:: God fine tunes our very essence so that we may have the wise and true perspective to see the irrefutable goodness He gives

Gifts.

Relationships are a great gift.

Lately I've been feeling as if I'm greatly missing out because God hasn't placed them in my life. Specifically, the romantic ones. I've even gone to the extent of looking at other women in my life, wondering what the heck they've done so right that God has given them the gift of a beautiful union with another person. The evilness in my heart is exposed. I've only dated 2 people my entire life and I have never been in a relationship that I pursued with unhealthy motives or in perceived brokenness. So, in my head I was left wondering why God withholds things from me while blessing others.

God has been provoking a new way for me to look at all this. It is a gift to be pursued by God and this thought ignited a new focus and reality for me.

In this season, God is giving me a gift beyond any gift I've ever dreamed of. He wants to bless me with a heart that is content and at peace in all circumstances. He is giving me the gift of spiritual growth, truly being refined in this emotional circumstance. He is itchin to give me the gift of a heart and mind solely fixed on the freedom He brings. Gifts don't come any more real, essential and undeserved. And foremost, He is giving me the gift of a deepened relationship with Him. I'm so captivated by a God whose work is beyond what we first see or initially fathom.

Lastly, God has made it clear that while He offers these gifts to all of His kids, not many actually accept. I could easily find a shallow happiness in a relationship I decide to stir up. I want the gift that penetrates and shatters the core of humanities brokenness and disconnect.

I am greatly favored, as God is allowing this pain to form the beautiful gift of wholeness, unity, and wisdom in my heart.

Purify.

I went through a really deep heart break last spring. So much of my brokenness was exposed in my response to it. I was depressed, unmotivated, felt worthless, and really just fed off of lies that I allowed to fester. As I've said in numerous of my posts, I knew that these were simply symptoms to core issues and really had little to do with the fact that I was no longer in a relationship. Among the many things God is surely transforming in me, I want to share just a few things that I know He is specifically showing me lately.

He is showing me that this experience is catalyzing something profound in me. Something that has great momentum. Something that I have actually been begging Him for in the last 5 years of my life. I see how this shitty circumstance uprooted and brought into plain view the reality of what my heart looked like. That I am broken - a product of imperfect parenting, rejection, facades, and foolishness - who is in need of Truth, purpose, forgiveness, restoration and a union with a Father who desires every single aspect of who I am.

By seemingly having everything during a season and quickly seeing it all dissolve before your eyes undeniably puts you in an essential turning place. Either you can continue to run after everything you feel you have lost or you can run the opposite way, by saying "yes" to a journey of purging your idols and allowing the Holy Spirit to reconstruct and redeem all aspects of your life. I had such a difficult time running the opposite way, not because I didn't want transformation but because, specific to my situation, I still desired a relationship with that boy. I realized that I wanted it only because it temporarily would "fix" my emotional state, but it was simply how I felt and my emotions were valid to God in the midst of this constant struggle. I could never pinpoint a legit reason as to why I wanted this relationship, either - brokenness set aside. I couldn't see the circumstance for what it actually was.

That was a daily tug of war until God pulled me out of the fire to look at His reflection.

I am worthy of a man who bears good fruit as He is connected to the Vine. I am worthy of a man who is rich in the things of God, and barren in the sight of human culture. I am worthy of a man who is in tune with the Holy Spirit and is seeking Him in all occasions. I am worthy of a man who respects my purity and sees me as God's beloved child, created to be holy as He is holy. I am worthy of a man who has sat in the nit and grit of his heart until Jesus began His good work. I am worthy of a man who understands that the core of love is sacrifice and we were given a flawless example to follow, in the Father sending His Son down. I am worthy of a man who in his humility, responds, and interacts, rather than in his prideful facade. Among many other things, I deserve a man who is not a coward for the Truth and His pursuit of it.

Complete Awe.

After looking at the vivid ways in which God came to His created earth through Jesus, whose actions and character fulfilled prophetic words, whose very nature actively opposed streamline culture, and whose redemptive ways were beyond everyone's box of expectations - I cannot deny that Jesus is indeed the Messiah, the anointed life-giver, who through His sacrifice on the cross, can bring restoration to His creation and be in union with humanity.

My head is spinning tonight. I've never been so in awe of the Bible - it's message, it's backbone motive, it's character, and it's significance beyond love,peace,and the story of Jesus. Having a greater grasp of the grander scale of things inevitably puts things in perspective. Everything beginning with God's creation being in right relationship with Him and with each other, only to rebel against His rule, in turn allowing decay and utter separation between us and God. Yet God longs to redeem what sin corrupted. The story of Jesus is God's pursuit of just that. In all of God's ways, He is counter cultural, unequivocal and revolutionary.

While looking at this narrative as a whole, it would be foolish to say that the Bible is made up and fabricated. People simply have never and will never make these kind of stories up. They are stories that are unheard of during their times; stories that are offensive, and embarrassing to the culture that they were professed in. The narrative of God's Word, is nothing that anyone could have simply brainstormed or created because it is entirely showcasing anti- formality to it's timely culture and it was neither anticipated nor expected.

Chew on this verse :

1 Corinthians 1:24-25 " Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength."

Greeks :: " ...sought to know God by argument and rational principles - they wanted a god who made sense. "

Jews :: " ... in the day of Jesus, incorrectly believed that if God were to visit this world, He would come in power and glory, crushing Rome. But the cross spoke of weakness, not power; defeat, not victory; humiliation, not conquest. "

".. that God should take alienation away from man by inserting alienation into the very heart of God; that He should conquer evil by allowing it supreme, unthinkable triumph. That He should destroy the power of evil by allowing it to destroy Him. The idea that a crucified God would save humankind has always been absurd to many. It is culturally offensive... "

" ...the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom. God's wisdom looked like folly, but it was not. His power looked like weakness but it was not. The world around us thrives on selfishness, but God functions with sacrifice. He proved Himself mighty by taking on weakness. In His weakest state, when the world did it's worst, He was victorious. He conquered suffering by suffering, He conquered death by dying and brought us life by rising from the dead. "

These quotes are from Mike Erre in his book, Why the Bible Matters.

His Flawless Teaching.

:: The Truth that God has laid out before us in His Word - is in itself healing, when you put it into action.

There are many things that I bring to the Lord. Things that I desire, situations that need healing, change, restoration, and dreams that I hope for in my future. While all of this is great, and God does indeed hear what we bring before Him, I sense God specifically asking me to respond differently now. I'm being asked to go beyond the simplicity of bringing these things before Him in prayer.

While all of these prayers of mine are indeed valid to God, He cultivates and ignites the remedy to all my prayers when I get off my bum and live how He has called me to live.

That's how profound and flawless God's calling is on His people's lives.

When you dive into the calling itself, it provokes restoration and healing.

I always had the two things separated in my head until now. I've often thought that God would do an awesome work of healing my heart, restoring me to a pure and righteous woman while in an entirely different situation would continue His calling in my life as His disciple. I'm seeing that they hold hands.

That's astounding to me. The Truth that God has laid out before us in His Word

- is in itself healing, when you put it into action.

:: When you are obedient in your heart towards the teaching of Jesus

- restoration is inevitable.

I like that.

Pride Shrinks Our World.

To deny God's authority within any area in our lives is Pride.

A refusal to accept God's place and our place.

That is one way you can choose to live.

"Our culture is indeed living that way.

Self Expression is worshipped. We think that everyone

is fascinated with every detail of our lives. It's in the air we breathe." - Mike Erre

Pride instigates further brokenness.

It causes us to resent each other.

Manipulates and overrides the will of others.

Pride refuses to apologize.

The ruin of Lucifer, is a story of pride.

Ezekiel 28:11 :: Isaiah 14:12

Turning the heart to Self- Exaltation.

"Pride shrinks our world to just us. "

While we miss the point.

God actively opposes the proud.

James 4:6 :: 1 Peter 5:5-6

Either our pride can consume our lives

or we can prepare Him room in humility.

Humility ::

The Christmas Story.

Mary was a young peasant teenager.

Shepherds ( unvalued ) were bearers of His news.

Gentiles ( non-jewish ) came to bow down.

Bethlehem had no distinct importance.

He comes today as He came back then.

Prepare Him room.

Philippians 2:3-8

Always in Plain Sight.

:: God gives us the opportunity to search things out on our own. He already knows which decisions will lead to truth and which will lead to deception, yet because He desires authentic relationships with His kids, He allows you to decide whether or not you want anything to do with Him.

He watches us closely as we turn left, go right, hang a U, or drive the dirt road to the farm. He sees through our prideful facade as we take out our maps and recalculate our route to the places that give our lives a false sense of significance. He examines the car we are driving, the streets we are driving on, the different people we drive by, and the changing weather we are driving in. He distinguishes all the Toyotas, Volvos and Hondas and knows if a windshield is cracked, the engine is overheating or if gas is getting low. He understands the cost of any and all car repairs while fully recognizing the value of restoration.

We are always in the plain sight of God.

He has given His entire creation an amazing gift - Jesus.

People often neglect the infallible significance of Jesus.

Without Jesus, we would be blotted out from the sight of God.

Without Jesus, unequivocal love and sacrifice would have no context.

Without Jesus, creation would be left with the irony of it's carnal desires, leaving it's victims vacant, discontent, aimless, and deceived.

He is set apart, holy and all things good.

Life is given as a gift to those who are awakened

to their identity found in Jesus.

Irony.

The irony of life is that no matter the hypocrisy we conduct, the disaster we provoke, the sin we consume, or the eyesore we become, our Creator is not content with the oppression and prison we build around ourselves. He desires and cultivates redemption in our lives despite any pollution we create.

The irony of life is found when you realize who you are, while being awakened to who God says He is.

His Refinement.

Just try wiping the smile off my face today.

As my life has been in a continuous cycle of letting go, grabbing tight, becoming unhealthy, letting go, grabbing tight (etc..) since last spring... Something has snapped in me and I feel a maturing stage in my life about to commence.

A number of things became really vivid to me after a conversation with a dear friend last night.

1. While I felt I had the situations in my life under my control, - ie. I was trying to mend things Caydin's way, which gave me a sense of control over the outcome - It dawned on me... if things were to go as Caydin actually anticipated and hoped for; the outcome would be the same as it had already been shown.

( For those of you in the dark - I'm talking about a relationship with someone I so eagerly desired. )

2. Let's say Caydin got her way - and she was given another shot in this relationship - it would surely end the same way it did last time. I know this because I am not yet the woman God wants to present before any true man of God.

I simply would not be enough.

3. I have an issue with loving myself. The lack of love. While I am confident in some areas I am entirely empty in others. Being raised in this american cultural consistently tells me that the woman God has created in me is just not enough. I need to find value in other things. It induces a facade on woman and an unhealthy view on what, "healthy" is. It dictates your interactions, your relationships and your motives.

4. It's easy for a woman to remain in a relationship and have this issue. When you have that significant someone in your life you really don't need to think about your issues because they seemingly make things peachy. I'm happy God allowed me to be stupid, childish, and fake in the last relationship I was in. It sent me to a mental hell- which is exactly what I needed.

5. And finally, while God is just beginning a beautiful process in me, why would He even want me near that relationship that I will continue to mess up? Broken relationships hurt God. I know this. I'm not sure how God will remedy this broken friendship but I'm not too concerned with it right now. First things first - Caydin.

I need to know how to love myself, before I can be love to someone else.

Psuedo.

"Every sense I have has been exhausted." - Barcelona

Which ultimately has left me numb.

Becoming apathetic towards things has actually enabled me to be in tune with some issues going on with me. My lack of emotion has allowed me to look at some things analytically and logically - which I otherwise have a difficult time doing.

At age 24, I'm still trying to figure out what makes up Caydin... I've come to the realization that I so often act as people have labeled me. It's hard to act any different than the labels people associate with you ::

"animated, loud, vivacious, spirited, intense and extreme. "

It's gotten to the point where if I'm not acting accordingly to what's written above, people think something is wrong with me or I am simply acting odd. They don't hold back from verbalizing it to me, either.

PEOPLE, this has only encouraged me to put on a mask. And while this mask is on you will never see the real deal.

I've been reflecting. While at the core, I am occasionally intense about things worthy of my intensity, and I am animated and spirited during appropriate moments, solely, I am altogether none of the above.

I have found it difficult to remove this mask because it is so appealing to the people around me. For the most part, people like the intensity I bring and the spirited approach I have in all circumstances. They enjoy this seemingly "deep" girl who likes to talk about intense things.

It wears me out, as I feel like I am constantly having to give people what they want and expect from me. ( which is another issue in itself )

I'm sorry - I'm getting sick of faking it.

I only do these things because they have be proven to make you happy.

I have more substance than what my mask portrays. I'm not as verbal as I have led you to think. I'd rather be mellow than bouncing off the walls. I'd much rather listen to you than hear my voice all night long.

Our conversation isn't deep to me because I have already had this conversation with John and Jane Doe. I find true deepness in the discerning conversations I have with few rather than the butt load of "deep" chats I can have with simply anyone. This only makes sense to those who know me.

I'm wondering how God will make sense of all of this- as He knows exactly how my mind operates and who I am behind the facade.

He Finally Gave me a Call.

I'm not sure how pristine this post is going to be; as I'm very tired, but I need to log a few things so that I may come back to them as mementos. I need to remember what I have been experiencing tonight.

Since last spring, I have been facing a situation that has my emotions endlessly wavering. One day, I feel His peace and His steadfastness, while the next I feel wrecked and the need to search out my own harmony for the situation. It's a harmony that doesn't exist apart from God.

I'm assured that God does not abandon His kids or any of the tragedies they get themselves into. He will not leave me defenseless; rather He will protect my name and sustain my cause. I have brought disgrace to my name, but He will recover it before all those who have foolishly scrutinized me.

His remedy is bigger than what I hope for and has so much more value than I could have ever thought. God does not waste any situation I hand over to Him.

Of all this, I am sure.

His Power. My Weakness.

Nothing feels greater than when you know God heard your prayer. Knowing that you brought something before the Lord, He listened, and responded… just blows my mind. Let my mind be blown because it is indeed true!

I’ve accepted the fact that God cares more about my character than any and all situations I find myself in. I used to often beg God to change my circumstances so that I could seemingly breathe at times. God loves me more than that. Rather, He allows me to be stretched to seemingly never-ending thinness and He watches me to see how in turn I will act.

During those unbearable times, the truth that is woven into your core runs deep and gives you strength to be steadfast. Now, I have learned to boldly pray that I be given that strength and steadfastness to endure through the pain instead of asking for Him to take it all away. I’m catching on!

There is more to the situations we feel weak in though... not only are we called to be steadfast and lift our eyes up... but there is a hope and confidence to be had... that I wish came more naturally to the church.

Pastor Steve Carter concluded an awesome sermon by reading a verse written by Paul found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. I thought this complimented the many things God was/is in the middle of teaching me.

“ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christs sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

God has chosen to make His power known by way of our weaknesses.

When you are emotionally weak, that is when God’s power can be put on it’s best display.

When you feel inadequate in something you are pursuing … it opens the door to God’s great and sufficient power.

When you get this, it is easier to find confidence in those things you feel weak in. I go through times in which I just don’t feel adequate enough to pray aloud with people… I’m so focused on bringing remedy thru my words that I forget that it has nothing to do with me, or anything I could ever possibly say. Remembering what I have now learned, I can have an unsurpassed confidence when I pray with people… even if I stumble through my words and have sweaty palms… His power will be evident in my weakness.

His power will be shown and all the greater in our weaknesses.

Turn That Switch Off.

Without a hint of laughter, I regret saying that I am a victim of Polymorphis Light Eruption. Holy moly. Yesterday my skin reacted to the sun differently than it ever has and I was told that I had sun poisoning on my face. I was advised to take the weekend off and take the medication prescribed. So far, this weekend has been surprisingly enjoyable. Today, I went hiking in long basketball shorts, a long sleeve shirt, big hat, big shades and a blue zinc oxide nose. I found happiness in every moment.

No one would have recognized me unless they wanted to strike up conversation. My floppy hat didn’t match the shorts, nor did my sunglasses actually fit my face, and my long sleeved shirt surely did my figure no justice.

( Side note :: I liked this feeling of being unrecognizable. Not only that, but the harmonies of my outfit surely would elude people to think I had no shame. Which is what we want people to think, right? Hmm. )

So I’m pacing along, combating the heat by just letting my body do it’s thing in the dripping sweat, and I finally reach my destination. This trail literally spits you out onto an amazing strip of beach that is still engulfed with the spectacular array of forest right along the Minnesota River.

I sat there under a tree on a desolate beach with blisters all over my face and neck that were set on fire from all the sweat pouring out of every gland on my body. My face felt like chili pepper was being rubbed all over it and my eyes were continuously watering because they were burning.

I was indistinguishable.

In that moment, I was able to turn off all of the things that I have created in my life that make “ Caydin”, Caydin. I didn’t have a pretty face, nor was anyone about to compliment me on my cute outfit. I wasn’t around anyone to strike up a conversation with and woo them with my social skills. No one was within distance to make laugh or smile.

Yet…

Jesus recognized me and called my name.

Let me tell you something, there is a different kind of raw, internal freedom that comes with losing your name, your title, your worldly worth and allowing the creator of your soul identify you. The moment you are hit with this absolute truth you undeniably cannot help but respond to the freedom it gives you.

I indeed know the one and only living God whom has saved my soul and because I know Him I will take delight in being His disciple.

"Accept Jesus, by following Him." - a dear friend, Eric Scofield

Treasure; Hidden in a Field.

I get it.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man finds it he sells all he has to buy the field.

I’ve heard this parable so many times. Matthew 13:44. It’s been resonating in my heart though for the last few months. I freakin get it.

I see what the kingdom of heaven is. I see the truth in His promises and how radical my Father’s love is for all of His creation. The reality that Yahweh exists and the fact that Jesus humbly walked this earth as a human, was blameless and pure yet he was crucified, the fact that He alone spread out the heavens and He alone extended His hands to form the earth. I get that I breathe my every breath because He allows it. I comprehend that He breathed life into my lifeless body and called me His.

“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’” So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” Romans 14:11

“ No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. “ 1 Corinthians 2:9

“ Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.” Romans 5:18

“ Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” John 21:25

Gods Word is certain.

How could I not sell all that I have, all that is within me after knowing this?

My Only Remedy.

Minnesota. Whenever I am here I am broken down and reduced to literally nothing … Here is what always happens though … ALWAYS…

1Peter 5:10 “ And the God of all grace, who called you into eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. “

A restored, strengthened, and grounded woman I stand.

Oh man, so a few months ago I had no choice but to move back to Minnesota for the summer due to financial reasons. Prior to me moving here, my heavenly Father had a nearly despondent conversation with me. It’s like He knew that the moment I became the most vulnerable, is when I would have to deal with the consequences of all the decisions I was making up to that point and also when the solidity in my relationship with the Lord would be tested and put in check.

Moving to Minnesota was disgusting. While driving to the Midwest, I stopped and visited my boyfriend at the time. I’ve never been sitting face to face with someone and in that very moment realized that I am so uncomfortable that I literally could not say a word. My form of communication was only nervous facial expressions and tears. What a moment to cringe upon. What a relationship divinely orchestrated by my Father turned into a sinful circus. What a relationship our Father cringed upon. The remaining drive “home” consisted of a lot of David Crowder jamming and on my knees crying ( literally and figuratively ) out to Jesus.

Within the first few weeks of me being in this barren land, I am dumped. Relationships send you to cloud 9 at times and then at other times they send you plummeting to your seemingly doom. Being crushed, I do what I know helps long term, cling to my Father. This time was odd though because the deeper I dove in relationship with Him, the worse I felt. It’s like He was purging me of the idolatry I exhibited on the relationship I was in. I put more value in that earthly relationship than the only relationship that saves my soul. That was exposed and made clear in my response to being dumped. I could write a book called, “ All the things a woman should not do after being dumped. “

Recently, God has been pouring out His wisdom on me through His Word and through my dear friends. Sin isn’t stagnant. It spreads, stains, and soaks into every little crevasse when you casually dip your feet into it. So, don’t be fooled with your casual plunge. What was put together for God’s purpose was broken and corrupted by sin. Here is what I am reminded of :: Caydin, my dear child, stop trying to fix things. Let it go so that I may be given room to work. Stop trying to orchestrate things, Caydin. Don’t you want glory to be given to me when things are made glorious? Stop running to all those things that give you a temporary illusion of being fixed. You know all too well, that I, your heavenly Father, am your only remedy.

I learn the most when I am reduced to seemingly nothing. When I am hopeless and have grasped onto everything besides the unchanging hand of my Father; when I feel furthest away from God is when the Holy Spirit stops me in my tracks and reminds me that I am called to greater things than these.