His Expression.

I'm wholly convinced that our Creator is for us.

He is for us encountering Him.

He is for us knowing Him.

He is for us perceiving His revelations.

We have a built in disposition to repel and resist the revelations of God.

But because we are loved by our Father He sends the Holy Spirit, who counteracts our ignorant and defiant ways, giving us ears that hear and eyes that are no longer blinded to His truth.

:: He is for us encountering Him.

As if that doesn't speak enough volume into the loving heart of a Creator for His creation, He continues to pursue us through His Word. God, Himself accommodates the small measure of our brains as He breathed scripture out to fit within the confines of our capacity of language.

:: He is for us knowing Him.

God reveals Himself to us in the scriptures which transcend all generations and address all eras of His creation . He communicates to us in beautiful analogies that paint a glimpse of who God is. We can step into a knowledge of who God is as we look at human experiences and God's experiences of Himself in scripture.

:: He is for us perceiving His revelations.

It's a mystery as to why we are sons and daughters of the King.

Purify.

I went through a really deep heart break last spring. So much of my brokenness was exposed in my response to it. I was depressed, unmotivated, felt worthless, and really just fed off of lies that I allowed to fester. As I've said in numerous of my posts, I knew that these were simply symptoms to core issues and really had little to do with the fact that I was no longer in a relationship. Among the many things God is surely transforming in me, I want to share just a few things that I know He is specifically showing me lately.

He is showing me that this experience is catalyzing something profound in me. Something that has great momentum. Something that I have actually been begging Him for in the last 5 years of my life. I see how this shitty circumstance uprooted and brought into plain view the reality of what my heart looked like. That I am broken - a product of imperfect parenting, rejection, facades, and foolishness - who is in need of Truth, purpose, forgiveness, restoration and a union with a Father who desires every single aspect of who I am.

By seemingly having everything during a season and quickly seeing it all dissolve before your eyes undeniably puts you in an essential turning place. Either you can continue to run after everything you feel you have lost or you can run the opposite way, by saying "yes" to a journey of purging your idols and allowing the Holy Spirit to reconstruct and redeem all aspects of your life. I had such a difficult time running the opposite way, not because I didn't want transformation but because, specific to my situation, I still desired a relationship with that boy. I realized that I wanted it only because it temporarily would "fix" my emotional state, but it was simply how I felt and my emotions were valid to God in the midst of this constant struggle. I could never pinpoint a legit reason as to why I wanted this relationship, either - brokenness set aside. I couldn't see the circumstance for what it actually was.

That was a daily tug of war until God pulled me out of the fire to look at His reflection.

I am worthy of a man who bears good fruit as He is connected to the Vine. I am worthy of a man who is rich in the things of God, and barren in the sight of human culture. I am worthy of a man who is in tune with the Holy Spirit and is seeking Him in all occasions. I am worthy of a man who respects my purity and sees me as God's beloved child, created to be holy as He is holy. I am worthy of a man who has sat in the nit and grit of his heart until Jesus began His good work. I am worthy of a man who understands that the core of love is sacrifice and we were given a flawless example to follow, in the Father sending His Son down. I am worthy of a man who in his humility, responds, and interacts, rather than in his prideful facade. Among many other things, I deserve a man who is not a coward for the Truth and His pursuit of it.

His Flawless Teaching.

:: The Truth that God has laid out before us in His Word - is in itself healing, when you put it into action.

There are many things that I bring to the Lord. Things that I desire, situations that need healing, change, restoration, and dreams that I hope for in my future. While all of this is great, and God does indeed hear what we bring before Him, I sense God specifically asking me to respond differently now. I'm being asked to go beyond the simplicity of bringing these things before Him in prayer.

While all of these prayers of mine are indeed valid to God, He cultivates and ignites the remedy to all my prayers when I get off my bum and live how He has called me to live.

That's how profound and flawless God's calling is on His people's lives.

When you dive into the calling itself, it provokes restoration and healing.

I always had the two things separated in my head until now. I've often thought that God would do an awesome work of healing my heart, restoring me to a pure and righteous woman while in an entirely different situation would continue His calling in my life as His disciple. I'm seeing that they hold hands.

That's astounding to me. The Truth that God has laid out before us in His Word

- is in itself healing, when you put it into action.

:: When you are obedient in your heart towards the teaching of Jesus

- restoration is inevitable.

I like that.

Always in Plain Sight.

:: God gives us the opportunity to search things out on our own. He already knows which decisions will lead to truth and which will lead to deception, yet because He desires authentic relationships with His kids, He allows you to decide whether or not you want anything to do with Him.

He watches us closely as we turn left, go right, hang a U, or drive the dirt road to the farm. He sees through our prideful facade as we take out our maps and recalculate our route to the places that give our lives a false sense of significance. He examines the car we are driving, the streets we are driving on, the different people we drive by, and the changing weather we are driving in. He distinguishes all the Toyotas, Volvos and Hondas and knows if a windshield is cracked, the engine is overheating or if gas is getting low. He understands the cost of any and all car repairs while fully recognizing the value of restoration.

We are always in the plain sight of God.

He has given His entire creation an amazing gift - Jesus.

People often neglect the infallible significance of Jesus.

Without Jesus, we would be blotted out from the sight of God.

Without Jesus, unequivocal love and sacrifice would have no context.

Without Jesus, creation would be left with the irony of it's carnal desires, leaving it's victims vacant, discontent, aimless, and deceived.

He is set apart, holy and all things good.

Life is given as a gift to those who are awakened

to their identity found in Jesus.

Irony.

The irony of life is that no matter the hypocrisy we conduct, the disaster we provoke, the sin we consume, or the eyesore we become, our Creator is not content with the oppression and prison we build around ourselves. He desires and cultivates redemption in our lives despite any pollution we create.

The irony of life is found when you realize who you are, while being awakened to who God says He is.

He Finally Gave me a Call.

I'm not sure how pristine this post is going to be; as I'm very tired, but I need to log a few things so that I may come back to them as mementos. I need to remember what I have been experiencing tonight.

Since last spring, I have been facing a situation that has my emotions endlessly wavering. One day, I feel His peace and His steadfastness, while the next I feel wrecked and the need to search out my own harmony for the situation. It's a harmony that doesn't exist apart from God.

I'm assured that God does not abandon His kids or any of the tragedies they get themselves into. He will not leave me defenseless; rather He will protect my name and sustain my cause. I have brought disgrace to my name, but He will recover it before all those who have foolishly scrutinized me.

His remedy is bigger than what I hope for and has so much more value than I could have ever thought. God does not waste any situation I hand over to Him.

Of all this, I am sure.

His Response.

I've been learning so much these last few weeks. I see how God has divinely placed me at a church that is going through a series about generosity and finances. He is building me up in wisdom before I go back home.

His hands are indeed leaving lasting imprints in my mind.

Through all of these amazing teachings what I am really seeing is that your finances are a big deal to God. The fact that you aren't stingy and rather you being abundantly generous is so important to God. It is a big deal and it does matter; incredibly. Many stories throughout the Bible exemplify this truth.

The story of Cornelius was brought up in church today. Cornelius gave to the poor and needy in abundance and God saw it. His generosity moved the heart of God and the Lord showered Cornelius with great favor. Acts chapter 10.

Bottom line :: when you are generous God responds.

I am in absolute awe looking at the promises God has given us. These are promises that we are encouraged to test and indeed anticipate the mighty hand of our faithful God.

Malachi 3:10

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."

It's not just about gaining God's favor and it's not just about receiving His blessings either. God says that He blesses our generosity so that we in turn can continue to be a blessing.

He will make us rich in every way so that we can be overflowing with His richness and His truth to pour out onto others.

2 Corinthians 9:11

" You will made rich in every way so that you can be generous in every occasion and thru us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. "

It's awesome to think that our Father desires to make us rich in every single way. In all we are. In all we do. In all we desire. In all things. In relationships. In our health. In our clarity for the future. He wants to give us that. . . so we can be that much more His hands and feet in a world of ignorance.

Letting God Work.

Letting God Work.

Sometimes things have to get really bad before you actually give God room to do something. You even let go for a short time... and when God doesn't act quick enough you grab tight onto the things you think will give you hope. How is He going to get the glory when things do fall in place, if you keep jumpin in trying to mend things on your own?

People think that they can solely fix and restore things in their own lives. Not so. Only He who makes things grow is responsible for anything and everything being restored to His creation. Why oh why can't I live like I actually believe this right now? Here I am for the hundredth time beating my head wondering why a few things in my life have not changed. And for the hundredth time God sits beside me and says," Caydin, I will surely give you strength to get through today."

Wouldn't it be easy to let go of something that you knew bottom line would end up just the way you wanted? Of Course. Jesus doesn't work that way. ( Of course, your desires will line up with His when He refines your heart and mind but thats not what I'm saying. ) When God asks you to let go of something that possibly won't go your way how much more of a challenge is it to let it go? God never said He would change your circumstances so that you may get what you want ...

Rather, He says He will give you strength to get through it all. He will satisfy you. He will give you what you need. Bottom line: He will make all things glorious.

I'm entirely struggling with this to the max. I wish I had the strength right now to truly hand over the key to my storage closet. My heart is in turmoil. My joy seems to disappear before I exhale. I have a cry of desperation in my life right now. God is near to me. I feel Him during these testing times, immensely.

So, God is near. God will give strength. God will make things glorious. I am awaiting the day in which I can truly let God work. Oh my sweet Jesus; my only remedy.

The nearness of there, feels more near to here.

Generous in Every Occasion.

Proverbs 11:24

" One man gives freely, yet gains even more. Another holds unduly but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper. He who refreshes others, he himself with be refreshed. "

2 Corinthians 9:11
" Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. "

There is a spiritual principle I am learning to love and live out.A crazy promise; God wants to richly bless us so that we can be generous in EVERY occasion.

A lot of us believe things in theory. Do we believe a generous man actually prospers ? Look at your bank account and it will reflect whether or not you believe this. Our generosity is richly blessed.

Proverbs 21:20 "In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil ( your finances in biblical times ) but a foolish man devours all he has."

God has been showing me through pastors teachings and reading in His word that priorities in your finances are necessary. Pastor Peter Haas gave a great sermon about how your financial priorities determine it's capacity. Wealth has little to do with income, rather it has to do with how you prioritize your finances.

Mark 4:18 :: Some people are like seed sewn along thorns.

There are so many things that we must deal with every single day that choke out our capacity for the kingdom. The deceitfulness of wealth will leave you never satisfied and you will never be rich enough. The love for things and the priority for them in your life will rob you of what God desires to bless your life with.

Proverbs 3:9-10

" If you honor the Lord with your wealth with the first fruits of all your crops then your barns will be filled to overflowing and your vats will be brimming over with new wine. "

God enables you to do far more with your remaining 90 percent when you can give him His 10 percent.

Prioritize God and stop robbing yourself.

Treasure; Hidden in a Field.

I get it.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man finds it he sells all he has to buy the field.

I’ve heard this parable so many times. Matthew 13:44. It’s been resonating in my heart though for the last few months. I freakin get it.

I see what the kingdom of heaven is. I see the truth in His promises and how radical my Father’s love is for all of His creation. The reality that Yahweh exists and the fact that Jesus humbly walked this earth as a human, was blameless and pure yet he was crucified, the fact that He alone spread out the heavens and He alone extended His hands to form the earth. I get that I breathe my every breath because He allows it. I comprehend that He breathed life into my lifeless body and called me His.

“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’” So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” Romans 14:11

“ No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. “ 1 Corinthians 2:9

“ Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.” Romans 5:18

“ Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” John 21:25

Gods Word is certain.

How could I not sell all that I have, all that is within me after knowing this?

My Only Remedy.

Minnesota. Whenever I am here I am broken down and reduced to literally nothing … Here is what always happens though … ALWAYS…

1Peter 5:10 “ And the God of all grace, who called you into eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. “

A restored, strengthened, and grounded woman I stand.

Oh man, so a few months ago I had no choice but to move back to Minnesota for the summer due to financial reasons. Prior to me moving here, my heavenly Father had a nearly despondent conversation with me. It’s like He knew that the moment I became the most vulnerable, is when I would have to deal with the consequences of all the decisions I was making up to that point and also when the solidity in my relationship with the Lord would be tested and put in check.

Moving to Minnesota was disgusting. While driving to the Midwest, I stopped and visited my boyfriend at the time. I’ve never been sitting face to face with someone and in that very moment realized that I am so uncomfortable that I literally could not say a word. My form of communication was only nervous facial expressions and tears. What a moment to cringe upon. What a relationship divinely orchestrated by my Father turned into a sinful circus. What a relationship our Father cringed upon. The remaining drive “home” consisted of a lot of David Crowder jamming and on my knees crying ( literally and figuratively ) out to Jesus.

Within the first few weeks of me being in this barren land, I am dumped. Relationships send you to cloud 9 at times and then at other times they send you plummeting to your seemingly doom. Being crushed, I do what I know helps long term, cling to my Father. This time was odd though because the deeper I dove in relationship with Him, the worse I felt. It’s like He was purging me of the idolatry I exhibited on the relationship I was in. I put more value in that earthly relationship than the only relationship that saves my soul. That was exposed and made clear in my response to being dumped. I could write a book called, “ All the things a woman should not do after being dumped. “

Recently, God has been pouring out His wisdom on me through His Word and through my dear friends. Sin isn’t stagnant. It spreads, stains, and soaks into every little crevasse when you casually dip your feet into it. So, don’t be fooled with your casual plunge. What was put together for God’s purpose was broken and corrupted by sin. Here is what I am reminded of :: Caydin, my dear child, stop trying to fix things. Let it go so that I may be given room to work. Stop trying to orchestrate things, Caydin. Don’t you want glory to be given to me when things are made glorious? Stop running to all those things that give you a temporary illusion of being fixed. You know all too well, that I, your heavenly Father, am your only remedy.

I learn the most when I am reduced to seemingly nothing. When I am hopeless and have grasped onto everything besides the unchanging hand of my Father; when I feel furthest away from God is when the Holy Spirit stops me in my tracks and reminds me that I am called to greater things than these.