Gifts.

Relationships are a great gift.

Lately I've been feeling as if I'm greatly missing out because God hasn't placed them in my life. Specifically, the romantic ones. I've even gone to the extent of looking at other women in my life, wondering what the heck they've done so right that God has given them the gift of a beautiful union with another person. The evilness in my heart is exposed. I've only dated 2 people my entire life and I have never been in a relationship that I pursued with unhealthy motives or in perceived brokenness. So, in my head I was left wondering why God withholds things from me while blessing others.

God has been provoking a new way for me to look at all this. It is a gift to be pursued by God and this thought ignited a new focus and reality for me.

In this season, God is giving me a gift beyond any gift I've ever dreamed of. He wants to bless me with a heart that is content and at peace in all circumstances. He is giving me the gift of spiritual growth, truly being refined in this emotional circumstance. He is itchin to give me the gift of a heart and mind solely fixed on the freedom He brings. Gifts don't come any more real, essential and undeserved. And foremost, He is giving me the gift of a deepened relationship with Him. I'm so captivated by a God whose work is beyond what we first see or initially fathom.

Lastly, God has made it clear that while He offers these gifts to all of His kids, not many actually accept. I could easily find a shallow happiness in a relationship I decide to stir up. I want the gift that penetrates and shatters the core of humanities brokenness and disconnect.

I am greatly favored, as God is allowing this pain to form the beautiful gift of wholeness, unity, and wisdom in my heart.

His Flawless Teaching.

:: The Truth that God has laid out before us in His Word - is in itself healing, when you put it into action.

There are many things that I bring to the Lord. Things that I desire, situations that need healing, change, restoration, and dreams that I hope for in my future. While all of this is great, and God does indeed hear what we bring before Him, I sense God specifically asking me to respond differently now. I'm being asked to go beyond the simplicity of bringing these things before Him in prayer.

While all of these prayers of mine are indeed valid to God, He cultivates and ignites the remedy to all my prayers when I get off my bum and live how He has called me to live.

That's how profound and flawless God's calling is on His people's lives.

When you dive into the calling itself, it provokes restoration and healing.

I always had the two things separated in my head until now. I've often thought that God would do an awesome work of healing my heart, restoring me to a pure and righteous woman while in an entirely different situation would continue His calling in my life as His disciple. I'm seeing that they hold hands.

That's astounding to me. The Truth that God has laid out before us in His Word

- is in itself healing, when you put it into action.

:: When you are obedient in your heart towards the teaching of Jesus

- restoration is inevitable.

I like that.

Pride Shrinks Our World.

To deny God's authority within any area in our lives is Pride.

A refusal to accept God's place and our place.

That is one way you can choose to live.

"Our culture is indeed living that way.

Self Expression is worshipped. We think that everyone

is fascinated with every detail of our lives. It's in the air we breathe." - Mike Erre

Pride instigates further brokenness.

It causes us to resent each other.

Manipulates and overrides the will of others.

Pride refuses to apologize.

The ruin of Lucifer, is a story of pride.

Ezekiel 28:11 :: Isaiah 14:12

Turning the heart to Self- Exaltation.

"Pride shrinks our world to just us. "

While we miss the point.

God actively opposes the proud.

James 4:6 :: 1 Peter 5:5-6

Either our pride can consume our lives

or we can prepare Him room in humility.

Humility ::

The Christmas Story.

Mary was a young peasant teenager.

Shepherds ( unvalued ) were bearers of His news.

Gentiles ( non-jewish ) came to bow down.

Bethlehem had no distinct importance.

He comes today as He came back then.

Prepare Him room.

Philippians 2:3-8

Reminders.

America has an abundance of wealth in nearly every form. I can't help but be disgusted when I see the billions upon billions of dollars that are spent on making the American people forever in a cycle of dissatisfaction. One of the biggest lies of our culture is that your success and quality of life is in direct relation with your money. Since America thrives off of this deceit we have the natural temptation to continuously "build bigger and better barns" within our lives.

Jesus has called us to something better.

There is a quality of life that is obtained when you have an abundance, and you give it away.

Your quality of life does not consist in the abundance of your stuff.

His Power. My Weakness.

Nothing feels greater than when you know God heard your prayer. Knowing that you brought something before the Lord, He listened, and responded… just blows my mind. Let my mind be blown because it is indeed true!

I’ve accepted the fact that God cares more about my character than any and all situations I find myself in. I used to often beg God to change my circumstances so that I could seemingly breathe at times. God loves me more than that. Rather, He allows me to be stretched to seemingly never-ending thinness and He watches me to see how in turn I will act.

During those unbearable times, the truth that is woven into your core runs deep and gives you strength to be steadfast. Now, I have learned to boldly pray that I be given that strength and steadfastness to endure through the pain instead of asking for Him to take it all away. I’m catching on!

There is more to the situations we feel weak in though... not only are we called to be steadfast and lift our eyes up... but there is a hope and confidence to be had... that I wish came more naturally to the church.

Pastor Steve Carter concluded an awesome sermon by reading a verse written by Paul found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. I thought this complimented the many things God was/is in the middle of teaching me.

“ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christs sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

God has chosen to make His power known by way of our weaknesses.

When you are emotionally weak, that is when God’s power can be put on it’s best display.

When you feel inadequate in something you are pursuing … it opens the door to God’s great and sufficient power.

When you get this, it is easier to find confidence in those things you feel weak in. I go through times in which I just don’t feel adequate enough to pray aloud with people… I’m so focused on bringing remedy thru my words that I forget that it has nothing to do with me, or anything I could ever possibly say. Remembering what I have now learned, I can have an unsurpassed confidence when I pray with people… even if I stumble through my words and have sweaty palms… His power will be evident in my weakness.

His power will be shown and all the greater in our weaknesses.

Show Love. Always.

As I was driving home today I felt compelled to be intentional about a few things. I pulled into Super Target, walked in and bought some flowers. Pretty yellow sunflowers was were it was at. Jesus put it on my heart to stop by a friends house and drop them off.

It's quite the crazy feeling when you know God is asking you to do something specific. You can't help but actually do it.

My ex-boyfriends mom was put on my heart. It was weird. I haven't seen her in about a year but something was stirring in my heart to just show her some old fashioned love. So, I stopped by his house and left flowers on the doorstep with a letter.

I told my friend that I dropped off the flowers for his mom and his reaction kind of caught me off guard... He was so confused as to why someone would randomly do something like that for someone else...

The more I thought about his response the more my heart hurt. I'm sad that people only expect these "old fashioned acts of kindness" when something goes wrong...

Aren't we called to ALWAYS preach the gospel using words when necessary? Aren't we called to uplift and show love to our neighbors in all circumstances?

We are called to do things that scream Jesus. I understand that dropping some flowers off at a friends house doesn't exactly scream Jesus but the fact that a simple act as such received a response that demanded an explanation ... actually screams the life Jesus called us to live.

As Rock Harbor church has taught its congregation so well ::

" Live a life that demands an explanation. "

I want every possible opportunity to show the love that's been woven into my core to the people around me.

I know this is a small example for such a bigger spiritual principle, but it's valid indeed.

Generous in Every Occasion.

Proverbs 11:24

" One man gives freely, yet gains even more. Another holds unduly but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper. He who refreshes others, he himself with be refreshed. "

2 Corinthians 9:11
" Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. "

There is a spiritual principle I am learning to love and live out.A crazy promise; God wants to richly bless us so that we can be generous in EVERY occasion.

A lot of us believe things in theory. Do we believe a generous man actually prospers ? Look at your bank account and it will reflect whether or not you believe this. Our generosity is richly blessed.

Proverbs 21:20 "In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil ( your finances in biblical times ) but a foolish man devours all he has."

God has been showing me through pastors teachings and reading in His word that priorities in your finances are necessary. Pastor Peter Haas gave a great sermon about how your financial priorities determine it's capacity. Wealth has little to do with income, rather it has to do with how you prioritize your finances.

Mark 4:18 :: Some people are like seed sewn along thorns.

There are so many things that we must deal with every single day that choke out our capacity for the kingdom. The deceitfulness of wealth will leave you never satisfied and you will never be rich enough. The love for things and the priority for them in your life will rob you of what God desires to bless your life with.

Proverbs 3:9-10

" If you honor the Lord with your wealth with the first fruits of all your crops then your barns will be filled to overflowing and your vats will be brimming over with new wine. "

God enables you to do far more with your remaining 90 percent when you can give him His 10 percent.

Prioritize God and stop robbing yourself.

That's Why.

Music has been key to so many circumstances in my life and my soul rejoices in music. Truly.

I have found it worth it to fine tune the music that I listen to.

I have so many stories that back up and solidify why I am so picky with what I let myself listen to. Overtime, the music you listen to resonates in your mind and heart...

Tonight this girl at work was really, really frustrated with me. She misunderstood me when I was explaining to her how I thought the distribution of tips was unfair. I went up to her with a smile on my face and was planning on just having a civil conversation that would lead to figuring out the kinks. She literally looks me in the eyes and says, " Shut up. Just shut up, Caydin... " The moment she started going off on me all I could hear in my head was a great dancing song by Josh Garrels, " Take courage my son for the spirit says come. And be set free. "... She continued her night by telling every other co-worker how frustrated she was with me.

When I heard that song resonating in my mind I couldn't help but look at this petty situation as a woman who is free from any hurtful tactic that's put against her.

My response to this co-worker was a simple "okay." and I walked away. Jesus was proud that my choices in the past to drench my mind with music that speaks truth were indeed fruitful!!!

That is why I listen to music that feeds my soul.

So I can act accordingly.

I see why God asks us to guard our hearts and minds. I understand why He asks us to do certain things and not others. It's important that we understand the wisdom that God has written out for us; so that we may act upon it.

Cut the Crap.

So, as always, the wheels in my head have been turning. Every now and then God gives me a little glimpse of what my mind is indeed in search of.

People are so full of excuses. Instead of walking humbly, and owning up to the things God says need to change in your life you spoon feed people your never-ending cup of bitter joe. I've brewed a cup of joe and I've also been on the receiving end by gulping it down.

Now, being the one who has been full of the tomfoolery, I look back and wonder why it was so difficult for me to recognize the lack of humility in my life. Afterall, I'm a giver not a taker, and I'm very spendy when it comes to my time and love for people... less of me, right? What was I missing ?

When people don't want to change the habits and mindsets that bring them so much contentment, yet are not favorable in God's sight; Houston, we have a problem. I've seen how people simply just get out of situations that require them to change the way that they live. The consequences are anything but simple. It is quite the calamity; as God has called us to lose control and allow Him to perfect us at the deepest levels. He never said it would be a comfy ride. He said quite the opposite...yet well worth it in every aspect.

This eludes me to see how dangerous it is to feel complacent. That, along with being prideful and unable to keep it real with the One who created you in His image... is just a pitiful situation that breaks Gods heart, and others involved.

Pride. is. gross.

I've heard from many ministers that pride is the root of sin. I get it. I've seen it in action and it's a painful sight. Pride nearly blinds people. I feel like pride has it's own secret agenda while you give way to it. Some people don't even understand the pride in their lives.

Pride isn't a respecter of persons. We all have struggled with it and will continually need God's healing and powerful hand to guide us back on track. Yet... after knowing certain things... and being exposed to the truth...when it has been spoken over you and woven into your heart... when you have attained God given wisdom ... comes a responsibility in response to it.

Happy Birthday Uncle Sam.

I am intrigued by many, many things that have gone on in our countries past. I have been encouraged by a man named, Fredrick Douglas, whom I am hoping we all have heard of at some point during our american education. He escaped slavery to become a renowned american abolitionist, minister and reformer. He stood firm for equality among all people.

A popular quote from Douglas ::

" I would unite with anybody to do right, and with nobody to do wrong. "

Douglas gave a speech in 1852 in Rochester, New York about the fugitive slave laws that were passed. The fugitive slave laws, in short, enabled officers and watchmen the entitlement to capture slaves who escaped to freedom. They were required to turn them in so they could be returned to their "masters". I find the boldness in Douglas something that is profoundly necessary now a days in modern america.

"Let it be thundered around the world that in tyrant-killing, king-hating, people-loving, democratic, Christian America the seats of justice are filled with judges who hold their offices under an open and palpable bribe, and are bound, in deciding the case of a man's liberty, to hear only his accusers!

In glaring violation of justice, in shameless disregard of the forms of administering law, in cunning arrangement to entrap the defenceless, and in diabolical intent this Fugitive Slave Law stands alone in the annals of tyrannical legislation. I doubt if there be another nation on the globe having the brass and the baseness to put such a law on the statute-book. If any man in this assembly thinks differently from me in this matter, and feels able to disprove my statements, I will gladly confront him at any suitable time and place he may select.

I take this law to be one of the grossest infringements of Christian Liberty, and, if the churches and ministers of our country were nor stupidly blind, or most wickedly indifferent, they, too, would so regard it.

At the very moment that they are thanking God for the enjoyment of civil and religious liberty, and for the right to worship God according to the dictates of their own consciences, they are utterly silent in respect to a law which robs religion of its chief significance and makes it utterly worthless to a world lying in wickedness."

Douglas, I could not have said it better myself.

Thank you for your relentless pursuit of truth.

Proverbs 31:8 " Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly, defend the rights of the poor and needy. "

This world is still indeed a wicked place that lacks the presence of God in many ways.

Yet, I am hopeful in the church and the God we serve.

Proverbs 29:16-18 " When the wicked thrive, so does sin. But the righteous will see their downfall. Where there is no revelation the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law. "

Continuously Peeling Away.

I'd like to start out by saying that God is a God that restores whatever you lay before Him.

Not only does He restore His people individually, but He has the capabilities unlike any other to restore the relationships between His people. In my opinion, a restorative act needs to happen in each individual prior to a restored relationship between them.

There are 2 relationships in my life in which my heart is postured to while writing this. They are both relationships that have caused both turmoil and bliss in my life. I do not doubt the healing work of my Father though in both.

Looking at both of these relationships, I see how God needs to restore me before any post relationship healing.

How is it that I have so many things that I need to work on ? Because I am honest with my pursuit of God I cannot help but see all the brokenness inside of me. I am continuously convicted to peel back that mask that says everything is dandy. And my soul praises Him for it.

Me, along with millions of other people out there struggle with something called control. Surprisingly, I do not have a problem giving up control in many, many venues in my life... like my life altogether. I am not worried about where my life is going or even how I will get there. From the bottom of my heart, I have given up all my dreams solely to the Saviour of my soul. His dreams have become my dreams.

Now, it's the smaller things that I feel the need to control. I choose where we go to dinner, what time we will go and what we are doing afterwards. You can't do it, because I can do it better. EW!

Surely, God is showing me where all of this is stemming from and I am indeed becoming a new Caydin. He is proud of me when I let my siblings cook for me as I stand back. He says, " Well Done" when I go to the movie that he wanted to go to.

A restored Caydin doesn't involve a mighty, significant and in control Caydin.

It all boils down to less of Caydin.

And I'm down with that.

Monies.

As many of my close friends know, I am here in Minnesota working my bum off to get out of debt. I've been learning much while traveling on this busy road...

I've thought for the longest time that my financial life was just doomed. I've been in countless situations in which I have failed miserably with my finances. I've been given opportunity after opportunity to get out of debt while my other bills were being paid for and I still did not hop on board.

So, now the time has come in which I pay for everything ... and yet i still have my credit card to be paid off. I'm actually seeing for the first time how being in debt can hinder so much in your life. I had no reason to be in debt in the first place either which is such a shame.

I'm surely doing it though. I'm halfway out of debt and still going strong. I've had no choice but to learn how to balance my budget. God is showing me much favor in this because I see His fingerprints all over new thoughts and the new mindset I have towards where and how my money is being used.

Mike Erre once asked all of us to look at our bank accounts... and look at where our money was being spent. It is indeed a direct reflection of where our hearts are at. I look at where most of my money is going now... and it is indeed exactly where God wants it to go. God doesn't want this debt hanging over my head as I finish my last year of college. He wants me to be financially free. I am well on my way.

On a deeper note, I have felt Gods hands shaping my heart while going through this time of financial learning. I don't need much. Nearly everything I have isn't anything I actually need. Holy crap.

Proverbs 23:4

"Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone. They will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle. "

Matthew 6:19

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. "

I am Not Immune.

I want to live free.

I want to let go and let God.

I want to hide behind nothing.

I want more of Him less of me.

I want to find joy in hard times.

I want to just not care about vanity.

I want my pride to be stripped away.

I don’t want THAT car. I don’t need THOSE shoes. I don’t need to be seen THERE. I don’t need to look like THAT.

As much as my heart truly desires to scream that from the top of my lungs, I have a confession :: Honestly, I’m just not that strong. ( yet )

Even though I seek God in all I do, and even though He is evident in my daily life, does not mean I am immune to everything this world has against me. I’m broken.

I’m not exempt from getting into situations that leave me with scars.

The beauty of this all is the fact that when I’m left with nothing to hold on to, there is Jesus; ready to guide me in His way. And, indeed, when I am weak, my God is strong.

Seeking God continuously throughout seemingly unchanging circumstances is worth it. While you unceasingly pray as He has called all His people, He is perfectly orchestrating everything you go through to lead you closer to Him.

Turn That Switch Off.

Without a hint of laughter, I regret saying that I am a victim of Polymorphis Light Eruption. Holy moly. Yesterday my skin reacted to the sun differently than it ever has and I was told that I had sun poisoning on my face. I was advised to take the weekend off and take the medication prescribed. So far, this weekend has been surprisingly enjoyable. Today, I went hiking in long basketball shorts, a long sleeve shirt, big hat, big shades and a blue zinc oxide nose. I found happiness in every moment.

No one would have recognized me unless they wanted to strike up conversation. My floppy hat didn’t match the shorts, nor did my sunglasses actually fit my face, and my long sleeved shirt surely did my figure no justice.

( Side note :: I liked this feeling of being unrecognizable. Not only that, but the harmonies of my outfit surely would elude people to think I had no shame. Which is what we want people to think, right? Hmm. )

So I’m pacing along, combating the heat by just letting my body do it’s thing in the dripping sweat, and I finally reach my destination. This trail literally spits you out onto an amazing strip of beach that is still engulfed with the spectacular array of forest right along the Minnesota River.

I sat there under a tree on a desolate beach with blisters all over my face and neck that were set on fire from all the sweat pouring out of every gland on my body. My face felt like chili pepper was being rubbed all over it and my eyes were continuously watering because they were burning.

I was indistinguishable.

In that moment, I was able to turn off all of the things that I have created in my life that make “ Caydin”, Caydin. I didn’t have a pretty face, nor was anyone about to compliment me on my cute outfit. I wasn’t around anyone to strike up a conversation with and woo them with my social skills. No one was within distance to make laugh or smile.

Yet…

Jesus recognized me and called my name.

Let me tell you something, there is a different kind of raw, internal freedom that comes with losing your name, your title, your worldly worth and allowing the creator of your soul identify you. The moment you are hit with this absolute truth you undeniably cannot help but respond to the freedom it gives you.

I indeed know the one and only living God whom has saved my soul and because I know Him I will take delight in being His disciple.

"Accept Jesus, by following Him." - a dear friend, Eric Scofield

Treasure; Hidden in a Field.

I get it.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man finds it he sells all he has to buy the field.

I’ve heard this parable so many times. Matthew 13:44. It’s been resonating in my heart though for the last few months. I freakin get it.

I see what the kingdom of heaven is. I see the truth in His promises and how radical my Father’s love is for all of His creation. The reality that Yahweh exists and the fact that Jesus humbly walked this earth as a human, was blameless and pure yet he was crucified, the fact that He alone spread out the heavens and He alone extended His hands to form the earth. I get that I breathe my every breath because He allows it. I comprehend that He breathed life into my lifeless body and called me His.

“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’” So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” Romans 14:11

“ No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. “ 1 Corinthians 2:9

“ Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.” Romans 5:18

“ Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” John 21:25

Gods Word is certain.

How could I not sell all that I have, all that is within me after knowing this?

LOVE.

God asks us to LOVE. I'm just starting to see how important it is though ... seriously, without love, it is said, that WE ARE NOTHING. That is some strong verbiage.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge and I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I AM NOTHING. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. "

1 Corinthians 13:3


I can do noble things, I can do things that people admire ... but if I lack the wisdom of love and how I am called to love, I AM NOTHING. This has my attention and I see how LOVE IS ESSENTIAL.

How do I know what love is ? 1 Corinthians tells us.

If you find love ... it will be evident in the action.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, and is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.


Can I stick my name in the place of love ?
Caydin is patient.
Caydin is kind.
Caydin does not envy. . . . this is a biggie I need to work on.
etc etc etc...

I want to have an unceasing passion to want to be a illustration of love to EVERYONE.
I want my actions to scream out LOVE IS HERE and LOVE IS NOW.

Of all the fruits of the spirit that believers are striving to exemplify - above all these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 " And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

It's crazy to me how in the biblical times there were many other words for love ... now a days we just use the one word to cover all the meanings of love. Hmm...

Love is worth looking into.