His Expression.

I'm wholly convinced that our Creator is for us.

He is for us encountering Him.

He is for us knowing Him.

He is for us perceiving His revelations.

We have a built in disposition to repel and resist the revelations of God.

But because we are loved by our Father He sends the Holy Spirit, who counteracts our ignorant and defiant ways, giving us ears that hear and eyes that are no longer blinded to His truth.

:: He is for us encountering Him.

As if that doesn't speak enough volume into the loving heart of a Creator for His creation, He continues to pursue us through His Word. God, Himself accommodates the small measure of our brains as He breathed scripture out to fit within the confines of our capacity of language.

:: He is for us knowing Him.

God reveals Himself to us in the scriptures which transcend all generations and address all eras of His creation . He communicates to us in beautiful analogies that paint a glimpse of who God is. We can step into a knowledge of who God is as we look at human experiences and God's experiences of Himself in scripture.

:: He is for us perceiving His revelations.

It's a mystery as to why we are sons and daughters of the King.

Retrogress.

I can look at the many progressions in my life ::

Age 14 and wanting to be someone who is loved and known

Age 16 and trying so hard to be known and loved by the "it" crowd

Age 18 and doing my best to keep up the facades and deceit

Age 19 and cycling this roundabout of discontentment

Age 20 and realizing my life of hypocrisy

Age 21 and experiencing sin go sour within my stomach

Age 22 and allowing Truth to disintegrate the chains that bind me

Age 23 and encountering a God who restores and brings meaning

Age 24 and remaining in the realities of my heart

:: I love what God asks of His disciples, because as you remain obedient in His precepts, breakthrough and progression is inevitable.

Psalm 19:7-9 ::

"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.

The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.

The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous."

As I recognized all the ways in which God ushers in breakthroughs, I also thought a moment about the times in which I've retrogressed into old habits and mindsets. As frustrating as those moments are, I am favored as God reveals why this happens.

The moments I find my mind reverting back to any old mindset, I'm reminded of the flawless wisdom God has given to us in Psalm 19:7-9. In what ways am I failing to grasp the reality and validity of these verses?

God's authority says ::

( Psalm 19:7-9 )

When you obey my laws your soul will be revived.

My laws will remain steadfast and the wisdom they hold is apparent

What I say is free from error and in that find comfort and merriment

Continue under my resplendent authority so that I may reveal sin for what it truly is

The wonder and mystery of who I am will eternally remain unequivocal

When I can allege to God's authority and place myself under it, in all of my thoughts and decisions, any retrogression will cease to exist.

May you see the perfect commands of a God who overrides the meaninglessness of our lives and liberates His people from themselves.

Forgotten Name.

This last year of life has been a long drawn out season of this consistent cycle of stepping into awarenesses and allowing God to heal my heart. Through this I have come to actually know my Father on an intimate level. I see how God knew all along the things my heart was craving and aching for. He allowed me to manipulate my wounds and my circumstances to the point where I was left raw and destitute of heart. I was also left with a decision to make at the end of every day and while in the moment it seemed worthless, I had a heart that decided to remain obedient and faithful to the God that I had encountered prior to the turmoil I had created and fed into.

Through the twists and turns of this last year I am grateful for a God who remained patient with me. As I often asked in prayer, He desired to bring revelation to my mind and heart, but even more often, my fallow ground was not prepared for His revelations to ring true in all their worth. He still continued to cultivate my heart until it was healthy enough for seeds to spring life from. Looking back, this specific 'migration' from fallow to life took a lot of work, pain and time.

Remaining steadfast in obedience as the gunk is loosened and separated from my heart has created a new person in me. I have suffered much in believing Satan's lies in regards to my identity and worth. He called me things that led me far from my God given name.

" You are not enough."

" You mess everything up."

" Your personality is repulsive. "

" You always ruin it all. "

This is what my heart actually believed. Through numerous encounters with God, and a loyal heart to Jesus these lies slowly started to not make sense. In God's relentless pursuit of me He distinctly began shining His radiance onto my heart piece by piece and moment by moment. I no longer would just verbalize the truth in hopes of someday actually believing it about myself, rather I claimed my identity under His authority as I began to see the disparity between what Jesus says of me and what I thought myself to be.

Here and now in this place, I know God has purged me of a substantial amount of ish this last year and He has answered my prayers seeking for wisdom and revelation. I'm honored that God felt it of worth to bestow upon my life things beyond what I asked. This entire identity crisis is curious to me because it's not like I was transformed into an entirely different Caydin, rather God began healing the Caydin that was, and revealing value and worth to the Caydin who is.

Not once was I a child of God who wasn't enough. I never once ruined any plans that God had for me and I never was a character that was faulty. It was neither adjusted nor created in this season - It was just forgotten in the midst of my sin and it's aftermath. I've always had a name and identity in Christ.

:: May He continue to be a radiant light that leads us on a journey towards revelation

:: May He call our names until we are found

Mexico.

" And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them."

Mark 10:13-16