Turn That Switch Off.

Without a hint of laughter, I regret saying that I am a victim of Polymorphis Light Eruption. Holy moly. Yesterday my skin reacted to the sun differently than it ever has and I was told that I had sun poisoning on my face. I was advised to take the weekend off and take the medication prescribed. So far, this weekend has been surprisingly enjoyable. Today, I went hiking in long basketball shorts, a long sleeve shirt, big hat, big shades and a blue zinc oxide nose. I found happiness in every moment.

No one would have recognized me unless they wanted to strike up conversation. My floppy hat didn’t match the shorts, nor did my sunglasses actually fit my face, and my long sleeved shirt surely did my figure no justice.

( Side note :: I liked this feeling of being unrecognizable. Not only that, but the harmonies of my outfit surely would elude people to think I had no shame. Which is what we want people to think, right? Hmm. )

So I’m pacing along, combating the heat by just letting my body do it’s thing in the dripping sweat, and I finally reach my destination. This trail literally spits you out onto an amazing strip of beach that is still engulfed with the spectacular array of forest right along the Minnesota River.

I sat there under a tree on a desolate beach with blisters all over my face and neck that were set on fire from all the sweat pouring out of every gland on my body. My face felt like chili pepper was being rubbed all over it and my eyes were continuously watering because they were burning.

I was indistinguishable.

In that moment, I was able to turn off all of the things that I have created in my life that make “ Caydin”, Caydin. I didn’t have a pretty face, nor was anyone about to compliment me on my cute outfit. I wasn’t around anyone to strike up a conversation with and woo them with my social skills. No one was within distance to make laugh or smile.

Yet…

Jesus recognized me and called my name.

Let me tell you something, there is a different kind of raw, internal freedom that comes with losing your name, your title, your worldly worth and allowing the creator of your soul identify you. The moment you are hit with this absolute truth you undeniably cannot help but respond to the freedom it gives you.

I indeed know the one and only living God whom has saved my soul and because I know Him I will take delight in being His disciple.

"Accept Jesus, by following Him." - a dear friend, Eric Scofield

Treasure; Hidden in a Field.

I get it.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man finds it he sells all he has to buy the field.

I’ve heard this parable so many times. Matthew 13:44. It’s been resonating in my heart though for the last few months. I freakin get it.

I see what the kingdom of heaven is. I see the truth in His promises and how radical my Father’s love is for all of His creation. The reality that Yahweh exists and the fact that Jesus humbly walked this earth as a human, was blameless and pure yet he was crucified, the fact that He alone spread out the heavens and He alone extended His hands to form the earth. I get that I breathe my every breath because He allows it. I comprehend that He breathed life into my lifeless body and called me His.

“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’” So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” Romans 14:11

“ No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. “ 1 Corinthians 2:9

“ Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.” Romans 5:18

“ Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” John 21:25

Gods Word is certain.

How could I not sell all that I have, all that is within me after knowing this?

My Only Remedy.

Minnesota. Whenever I am here I am broken down and reduced to literally nothing … Here is what always happens though … ALWAYS…

1Peter 5:10 “ And the God of all grace, who called you into eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. “

A restored, strengthened, and grounded woman I stand.

Oh man, so a few months ago I had no choice but to move back to Minnesota for the summer due to financial reasons. Prior to me moving here, my heavenly Father had a nearly despondent conversation with me. It’s like He knew that the moment I became the most vulnerable, is when I would have to deal with the consequences of all the decisions I was making up to that point and also when the solidity in my relationship with the Lord would be tested and put in check.

Moving to Minnesota was disgusting. While driving to the Midwest, I stopped and visited my boyfriend at the time. I’ve never been sitting face to face with someone and in that very moment realized that I am so uncomfortable that I literally could not say a word. My form of communication was only nervous facial expressions and tears. What a moment to cringe upon. What a relationship divinely orchestrated by my Father turned into a sinful circus. What a relationship our Father cringed upon. The remaining drive “home” consisted of a lot of David Crowder jamming and on my knees crying ( literally and figuratively ) out to Jesus.

Within the first few weeks of me being in this barren land, I am dumped. Relationships send you to cloud 9 at times and then at other times they send you plummeting to your seemingly doom. Being crushed, I do what I know helps long term, cling to my Father. This time was odd though because the deeper I dove in relationship with Him, the worse I felt. It’s like He was purging me of the idolatry I exhibited on the relationship I was in. I put more value in that earthly relationship than the only relationship that saves my soul. That was exposed and made clear in my response to being dumped. I could write a book called, “ All the things a woman should not do after being dumped. “

Recently, God has been pouring out His wisdom on me through His Word and through my dear friends. Sin isn’t stagnant. It spreads, stains, and soaks into every little crevasse when you casually dip your feet into it. So, don’t be fooled with your casual plunge. What was put together for God’s purpose was broken and corrupted by sin. Here is what I am reminded of :: Caydin, my dear child, stop trying to fix things. Let it go so that I may be given room to work. Stop trying to orchestrate things, Caydin. Don’t you want glory to be given to me when things are made glorious? Stop running to all those things that give you a temporary illusion of being fixed. You know all too well, that I, your heavenly Father, am your only remedy.

I learn the most when I am reduced to seemingly nothing. When I am hopeless and have grasped onto everything besides the unchanging hand of my Father; when I feel furthest away from God is when the Holy Spirit stops me in my tracks and reminds me that I am called to greater things than these.

Unrefined. Unsophisticated.

I cannot even begin to speak of how much joy I find in homely looking places. There is always a rush of emotion I get when I'm in an unrefined and unsophisticated setting ... it only happens when I have my camera though. I love texture. I love clutter. I love photos that capture a story without use of words.

I love the austere things in this world.

Dramatic. Uncompromising. Forbidding. Severe.