My Only Remedy.

Minnesota. Whenever I am here I am broken down and reduced to literally nothing … Here is what always happens though … ALWAYS…

1Peter 5:10 “ And the God of all grace, who called you into eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. “

A restored, strengthened, and grounded woman I stand.

Oh man, so a few months ago I had no choice but to move back to Minnesota for the summer due to financial reasons. Prior to me moving here, my heavenly Father had a nearly despondent conversation with me. It’s like He knew that the moment I became the most vulnerable, is when I would have to deal with the consequences of all the decisions I was making up to that point and also when the solidity in my relationship with the Lord would be tested and put in check.

Moving to Minnesota was disgusting. While driving to the Midwest, I stopped and visited my boyfriend at the time. I’ve never been sitting face to face with someone and in that very moment realized that I am so uncomfortable that I literally could not say a word. My form of communication was only nervous facial expressions and tears. What a moment to cringe upon. What a relationship divinely orchestrated by my Father turned into a sinful circus. What a relationship our Father cringed upon. The remaining drive “home” consisted of a lot of David Crowder jamming and on my knees crying ( literally and figuratively ) out to Jesus.

Within the first few weeks of me being in this barren land, I am dumped. Relationships send you to cloud 9 at times and then at other times they send you plummeting to your seemingly doom. Being crushed, I do what I know helps long term, cling to my Father. This time was odd though because the deeper I dove in relationship with Him, the worse I felt. It’s like He was purging me of the idolatry I exhibited on the relationship I was in. I put more value in that earthly relationship than the only relationship that saves my soul. That was exposed and made clear in my response to being dumped. I could write a book called, “ All the things a woman should not do after being dumped. “

Recently, God has been pouring out His wisdom on me through His Word and through my dear friends. Sin isn’t stagnant. It spreads, stains, and soaks into every little crevasse when you casually dip your feet into it. So, don’t be fooled with your casual plunge. What was put together for God’s purpose was broken and corrupted by sin. Here is what I am reminded of :: Caydin, my dear child, stop trying to fix things. Let it go so that I may be given room to work. Stop trying to orchestrate things, Caydin. Don’t you want glory to be given to me when things are made glorious? Stop running to all those things that give you a temporary illusion of being fixed. You know all too well, that I, your heavenly Father, am your only remedy.

I learn the most when I am reduced to seemingly nothing. When I am hopeless and have grasped onto everything besides the unchanging hand of my Father; when I feel furthest away from God is when the Holy Spirit stops me in my tracks and reminds me that I am called to greater things than these.

Unrefined. Unsophisticated.

I cannot even begin to speak of how much joy I find in homely looking places. There is always a rush of emotion I get when I'm in an unrefined and unsophisticated setting ... it only happens when I have my camera though. I love texture. I love clutter. I love photos that capture a story without use of words.

I love the austere things in this world.

Dramatic. Uncompromising. Forbidding. Severe.

Just a Reminder to Self -

My life has been nothing short of a hurricane this last month.

The ONLY explaination and reason :

DAMN, it's painful to be constantly refined. I'm happy God is doing what He is doing though.
I am STILL learning about finances, relationships, my pride, where my trust lies and where my hearts desires truly point.

I am proud of myself, yet I know that I am so far from being the person I want to be. All I need to remember is that this is a process, Caydin. I'll get there and it will be worth every tear, struggle, and painful moment. Thank you Lord, for giving me such a strong will to endlessly pursue You in all I do.

I get excited thinking about what God has in store for me.

LOVE.

God asks us to LOVE. I'm just starting to see how important it is though ... seriously, without love, it is said, that WE ARE NOTHING. That is some strong verbiage.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge and I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I AM NOTHING. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. "

1 Corinthians 13:3


I can do noble things, I can do things that people admire ... but if I lack the wisdom of love and how I am called to love, I AM NOTHING. This has my attention and I see how LOVE IS ESSENTIAL.

How do I know what love is ? 1 Corinthians tells us.

If you find love ... it will be evident in the action.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, and is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.


Can I stick my name in the place of love ?
Caydin is patient.
Caydin is kind.
Caydin does not envy. . . . this is a biggie I need to work on.
etc etc etc...

I want to have an unceasing passion to want to be a illustration of love to EVERYONE.
I want my actions to scream out LOVE IS HERE and LOVE IS NOW.

Of all the fruits of the spirit that believers are striving to exemplify - above all these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 " And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

It's crazy to me how in the biblical times there were many other words for love ... now a days we just use the one word to cover all the meanings of love. Hmm...

Love is worth looking into.