Identity.

Building a format compatible with the masses.
Designing the fabric to weave ourselves into
The architecture of who we thought we should be
These structures were quite alluring.
These are systems of deception.
Bluff and disguise.

What a treasure it is to confront
our very design and framework
which is not to be built by us.
To no longer retreat

Cling to resistance
Flee from escaping

A complex paradox so tangled;
Become you, by dying to you
Gain, what you give up
Forget who you are
to truly be aware of you

Swiftly turning the pages.
In search of answers from the pasts greatest
We know the weight of this truth we read.
Bringing light to our eyes.
Revealing truer realities.
Broadening the capacity of our souls’
Hunger for more.
More of Christ.
Yet
Even after a mastering of the pages
Blasting the validity of the lies far from us
We continue to
Wonder why they linger

From philosophies to
the substance of the heart
A curious work of Christ alone.

Eh.

" May my preferences never dictate how I prepare room for God's kingdom to enter my life. "

I wrote this a few months ago in my journal.

I asked for it. I'm in a place where it's easy for my preferences to disengage my heart with what the Holy Spirit is desiring for me. Freedom. Healing. A heart of trust.

I prefer to have intimacy with God at a coffee shop, with a chai latte in hand. I prefer to stay close to those things that bring me comfort, which are things I have control over.

I'm not fond of the idea of more pain, more suffering, more brokenness.

I love controlled experiences, with certain results. I don't like obscurity when it comes to the vitality of my heart. I act as if I'm entitled to happiness. My behavior screams out my distrust.

It's soooooo weird to me. While I truly desire to step into this identity given to me - identity of freedom, joy, peace, love etc - I have ZERO control of this process in being conformed to Christ.

And amazingly enough, Christianity is not a behavior program, but rather an entire exchange of heart.

Underlying it all, I have a steadfast understanding of what is going on.

I am grateful.

Thomas Merton.

I've been a fan of Thomas Merton for a long time.

He was a monk born in the early 1900's who was gifted with a beautiful mind.

I'm reading through a book he authored called, "No Man is an Island "

The discovery of Christ is never genuine, if it is nothing but a flight from ourselves. On the contrary, it cannot be an escape. It must be a fulfillment. I cannot discover God in myself and myself in Him unless I have the courage to face myself exactly as I am, with all my limitations, and to accept others as they are, with all their limitations.

And as for this "finding of God", we cannot even look for Him unless He has first found us. We cannot begin to seek Him without a special gift of His grace, yet if we wait for grace to move us, before beginning to seek Him, we will probably never begin.

His words are deeply encouraging to me right now, as I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling. It's a process. Lifelong process. I'm in the process of truly living in the only identity given to me that matters. From in my head to the real deal. my heart. A process of remaining, confronting and being found.